and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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