Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
