New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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