I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
