i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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