No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
