fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
