its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
