More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
