I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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