i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I need moral support for this bender
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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