Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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