our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
