dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
