now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
