Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize