you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
