Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
