Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
