The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
