i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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