Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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