I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
