Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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