she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
