You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
