youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
