My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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