I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you would pick up someone in the library
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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