so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
