this boner is exhausting
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
