You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
