So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize