were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
