Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
