You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
