What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
