the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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