The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
