I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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