She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it penis luge time yet?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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