I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
