She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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