ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
