I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
