I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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