maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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