Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize