I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize