Just fell off a train. Bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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