What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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