Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
