i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
