Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
