I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
