Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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