I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
