i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
