dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
