It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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