What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
