ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
