rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize