it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
