There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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