Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
