can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
