He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
